I was just informed today that I will not be converted to perm due to the downturn in the banking sector. Apparently no one dares to approve the perm headcount, which should have been done 2 months ago. Instead, they will be looking at extending my contract to one year. At least it's still better compared to a 3 months renewable contract. Boss mentioned something about throwing in a 13th month bonus in the contract otherwise it would be unfair to me. But as I always say, nothing is guaranteed until it comes in black and white. Of course the higher you place your hopes, the harder you fall (did I just do a direct translation form Chinese to English?) I am not going to bunk on that, I will just be grateful that at least I get to secure my job for an additional 9 months.

I find myself flaring up easily nowadays. After SK pointed out the mistakes I made today, I got impatient and using my stupid tone, I challenged him and insisted that I did not make the mistake. But we managed to find out that it is indeed human error - my error. Gosh I wish I could be more meticulous. I did my work conscientiously and checked, double checked and triple checked my work but still more mistakes were uncovered. Though I have made some improvements since my first attempt, I want to be able to complete everything without a single error. I just can't stand having people pointing out my mistakes. Sometimes I feel that I am sort of a perfectionist but still a perfectionist would have been more meticulous than I tried to be.

I was just talking to piggy about the current economy and how I can't imagine living in a recession period. I am just so used to spending and spending even more. I am still trying to save for my studies, you can't seem to get anywhere without a degree nowadays. I can't imagine how else I can squeeze money into my savings with my current meal expenditures ever since I switched to citi. Sometimes I find myself worrying excessively though I try to evade my problems and pretend that everything is alright. I am starting to get a little weary of the pressure and problems I have inflicted upon myself. Financial worries? All I have to do is stop spending on unnecessary and impractical stuff like facial, new clothes, junk food and other cute but useless junk. But I just can't seem to keep my wallet in my bag. I am trying really hard now and my goal for now would be the 5k benchmark.

And I am starting the late sleeping pattern again. This is going nowhere. At the end of the day, it is self-discipline I am lacking, something which I know and wanted to correct. But it is easier to say than to work on a habit cultured since young. I'm always making the first step but never attempted with enough effort to maintain what I started with. Such is the irony. All I do is complain but yet I do nothing to correct anything. Most times I end up totally disgusted at myself.